Anger is a horrible motivator.  Well, horrible in a moral sense.  As far as producing results it’s a great motivator.  Because it works.  At least for a while.

Motivating people with anger works for a while, and then it wears off.  Then the person, group, company, church, network or boss who was using anger as a motivator has to step it up and use even more anger or strike up fear again in you to re-motivate.  They have to provoke you even more to make you even angrier, even more shocked, more fearful, and even more outraged.

It’s a cheap trick.  And in doing it sometimes the truth gets bent.

So we hear a story, a stat or a threat and it makes us upset and we are ready to move into action!

Then things calm down and go back to normal.  So those who are trying to motivate us with fear have to find an even worse story or a more appalling stat.  This happens over and over as we go through cycles of being provoked to anger again and again.  Eventually the things others are using to provoke our anger are not even the complete truth.  These bosses, preachers, parents, or media outlets realize that by putting a slight bend to the information or leaving certain parts out, the information presented has more ‘zing’ to it and will cause the general public to become angry and rush into action for the cause of those giving the information.  By not telling the whole truth they make a better case for what they want, and they count on you being too angry to rationally challenge the information you are receiving.

I feel like this happens quite often in homes, churches, politics, businesses, and through media.  Our society tries to tap into our extreme emotions in order to utilize our efforts for their cause.

Feeling these emotions on a regular basis is not healthy.  I caught myself feeling this way on a repeated basis and had to examine several of the sources I felt was causing this.  As a result there are some news networks I no longer allow myself to watch because of how angry they were making me.  There are preachers I no longer listen to because their continual use of shock effect was wearing on me.

All churches, politicians and businesses are biased.  So the temptation to tell the story with a bend toward their position is always a lure for those with power or influence.  Sometimes doing this gets a positive response so the process is repeated.  This is how we got to the place where we have church members, news-watchers, and employees who use extreme words like “burdened,” “passionate,” or “disgusted” to describe how they feel as a reaction to the information they are constantly being fed, all the while that information is only partially correct.

Churches, bosses, politicians, and television programs that do this are not actually concerned with presenting the full truth as much as they are with getting you on their side.  They want you to agree with them, vote for them, work for them, donate to them, etc.  Being a part of these groups or environments tend to cause us to live at a constant state of excitement.  It causes us to have the urge to riot on a more than occasional basis.

Again, having these emotions stirred within us on a regular basis is not healthy.  I have been learning to judge the outside influences I am allowing into my life and determine whether they are healthy or not.  I encourage you to do the same.

There are a lot of things that make Andy and Matt great preachers.  They are solid Bible teachers, they are great at connecting with their listeners, and they live lives of integrity that back up what they say from the stage.  However, there is something more I have noticed about these men and is the reason I say that when it comes to listening to preaching, they have spoiled me.

In listening to Matt and Andy, I no longer hear what I hear from a lot of other preachers.  They don’t make the same kind of jokes.  They don’t settle for the same kind of illustrations.  I truly consider theirs a finer kind of preaching.  As part of that I do not hear them using:

• Corny jokes
• Shock effect to get attention or stir anger
• Self-deprecating humor just to get a cheap laugh
• Information without application
• References to their wives as demanding or domineering
• Consistent insistence on how hot their wives are (something I wrote about here)

Sadly, these habits are common place for most preachers, even those liked and respected by many.  To me, such things cheapen the sermon and distract from the message.  Then again, I may just be saying that because I’m spoiled.

Most of our talking about ourselves comes in the form of our thoughts.  We think about ourselves all day and at any given time are currently holding a view or opinion about ourselves.  Though we may never vocalize the majority of it, how often do we have internal thoughts along the line of, that was stupid, why did I say that? That didn’t work, you are such a moron, or they probably didn’t speak to me because they don’t like me?

We would not put up with others saying such things yet we allow ourselves to take cheap shots at ourselves and call ourselves names all throughout the day.  If a couple times a day we are telling ourselves you’re not smart enough, you’re not good enough, or you could never do that, it should be no mystery as to why we doubt ourselves and are in a place to easily accept the negative things others say about us.  We are beating ourselves up in our mind.  And whether you want to accept this or not, that internal dialogue takes a toll on your soul.

Part of being emotionally and relationally healthy is monitoring our own self-talk.  If you are married it’s also important to be careful of the things you allow yourself to think about your spouse.  You may never say it to them, but continual thoughts such as he will probably forget, she is so clumsy, and they just don’t care about me can create distance and barriers in your marriage.  You’ve heard it said that if you hear something enough you begin to believe it.  Well that is partially true.  You at least begin to accept it, expect it, or even look for it.  So even if what you are hearing is coming from your own thoughts, you will put yourself in a negative disposition toward yourself or someone you love by constantly dwelling on your (or their) bad habits, negative traits, or character flaws.

This is the power of negative thinking.  Ultimately it is your view of yourself that determines how valuable you think you are.  If you are married, your spouse’s opinion of you is the second most important.  Don’t allow this unspoken talk to put you at a disadvantage in your relationship before you even begin to speak.

I have a pretty good number of followers who are subscribers to my blog and receive updates on new postings through email.  I also have generated more traffic to my site by linking many of my posts to my facebook and twitter accounts.  Surprisingly to me, this got more people reading my posts but still produced very few comments.

What did begin happening however is people gave me feedback in different ways.  Since I know about half my readers personally, it was not uncommon to be at work or church and have someone come up to me and tell me they read my blog and give me some feedback.  Some people emailed me their comments about what they read on my site.  Others gave comments via twitter or text.  And some people would click on the link I posted on facebook, go to my site, read my post, go back to facebook, and type in their thoughts there.  Again, this frustrated me.  I would think, why don’t they just leave their comments on my site?

I had to realize that for whatever reason, most of my readers just did not (or do not) want to leave public comments attached to the posts they read.  This did not mean that they were not giving me feedback though.  And that’s what I ultimately wanted.  It would not be wise of me to condemn others when they email me or give me their input in person.  Yelling “put it on the blog” would probably not get me the response I want.  Among the unique people who read what I write there is a trend of giving feedback in a more private and sometimes more personal way.  It would be counterproductive for me to fight this and try to force on them the model I want.

Rather I am embracing this trend.  I now send every new post out on twitter and link most of them to facebook.  I try to encourage conversation when people tell me they read my post.  If I’m getting what it is I want (feedback) it doesn’t really matter how I’m getting it.  I can’t be so concerned about which method or form I think is “right,” it’s more important to know what works!

In your work or relationships are there any new trends you are still trying to put into old molds?  Do you need to forsake what you think is right for the enhancement of what works?  Be on the lookout for how people and processes change and embrace them.  Fighting to keep things the same does not provide greater outcomes.

- Katy and I were asked to lead a small group at our church.  The group we have been part of for about a year has grown to 10 young couples.  We have agreed to split the group and we have been asked to lead the new split-off group.

- I have been promoted as a church volunteer.  Rock Bridge has a Thursday night worship service and I am now the service captain for those services.  I will be responsible for making sure everything pre-service flows, take-down is completed, and all volunteer positions are filled or recruited.

- Katy and I have seen some breakthroughs in our communication.  We have been reading books together and attending counseling and are excited to see some of the pay-offs from the time and work we are putting into the quality of our marriage.  We have also been given the chance to share some of the principles we are learning at our small groups’ upcoming couples retreat.

- We have been offered a new live-in job that would allow us to get into a better living situation for us and at the same time provide extra income toward saving for a down payment on a house in the future.

These things have served as a reminder that God is at work and in control.  He is at work even when it seems like life is on pause.  He is in control and can open the flood gates at any time.  All of our prayers and desires do not have be addressed right away when the One we pray to is capable of bringing about every blessing whenever He so chooses.  And, like the case has been for us, God may choose to provide for and promote you in many areas in a short period of time.

For some reason, I almost always feel the temptation to belabor my point.  When others look at me and do not respond immediately, I sense the need to keep on talking – repeating myself or going deeper and deeper into my reasoning until I am coming off as unsure of myself.

This has become more noticeable since our timing has changed for church planting.  As people have approached me and asked for an update, I have found myself giving much more explanation than they were looking for.  It’s as if I feel the need to justify our plans or reasoning.  I don’t know if this is because I think I need others’ validation but I have developed the habit of talking way too much, as though my many words substantiate my message.

Can you relate?  Are there any areas where you feel you do the same thing?

As I try to break this practice of insecurity, I have realized three things that are helping me:

One is to be around people who I don’t have to prove my legitimacy to.  To me, this is family members who believe in me and other church leaders who understand the church planting process and are mature believers.

Second, I am working to accept that our reasoning for this stage of our lives is good enough without other’s approval.

And finally, I am becoming content to have simple plans and simple (or few) steps in that plan, even when others give me the look of, “is that all?”

One of these books was Love Talk by Les and Leslie Parrott.  We saw this book on the bookshelf at a used book store and bought it.  We did this because we had identified our biggest struggle as ongoing miscommunication.  It had become habit for us to be having a conversation and one of us become hurt or offended.  Not because we were trying to hurt the other person, but that somewhere along the communication line one of us was not hearing the words the other person was speaking with the same meaning that was intended.  We were hearing the same words and same tone but apparently it was carrying a different meaning for each of us.

The chapters of Love Talk broke down different parts of our communication as well as the difference between the feelings and goals that go into communicating for men and women.  Establishing that Katy empathizes and I analyze awakened us to our differences.  We also learned that I influence and reason with facts and Katy does this with feelings.  And that I spend most of my thoughts focused on the future and Katy focuses more on dealing with the present.   We also both go back and forth between being aggressive and passive problem solvers.  All these differences, if ignored, make it easy for us to stumble in our communicating.

Understanding each other and our feelings sets us up for better discussion.  Because we make ourselves vulnerable in intimate communication, we are responsible to care for and protect each other’s feelings in those times.  With what we’re learning about each other and some conversations tips we received from a counselor, Katy and I are learning to have more successful, safe, and productive conversations.

This solid communication is key to feeling loved and understood; a goal for every relationship.

Pastors, if you need a pump me up Sunday tweet from perry noble to preach you did not study enough this week.

Pastors, please stop telling me every time you are going to get an email for something you said.

If you can fall from it it’s not grace.

Someone asked me today if our church plant is going to be baptist or pentecostal. Are those the only two options?

anyone notice that as sermons went from 30 to 40 minutes church attendance dropped all across America?

I have been reading through the gospels and am amazed at how many times it says, “he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

popular christian quote that is nowhere in Scripture: ‘There’s a God shaped hole in your soul that only He can fill’

Common used “Christian” saying that is not found in the Bible: ‘Love the sinner, hate the sin’

Sayings not found in the Bible: God helps those who help themselves

Interesting how people always think god speaks according to what THEIR personality is.

Every church needs a ‘get crap done’ pastor on staff.

“The church is the most segregated institution in America” -Efrem Smith We need more hip-hop churches!

A prayer of confession god will always answer -philip yancey

“It’s not about delayed-gratification, but God-satisfaction.” -@wmattevans

Unless someone is teaching another way of salvation, they are not a heretic. that word gets used way too loosely

Say what you want about joel osteen…he’s not going around criticizing other pastors, telling them they should do ministry like he does.

Some in traditional church say if u don’t agree with them you’re not saved. Some in contemporary church say if u don’t agree with them you’re stupid.

I used to look at websites of churches in Chattanooga looking for something wrong with them. Glad I’m not that insecure anymore.

Lead with your cause, not your personality, character, or talent.

People will follow someone who makes them feel important.

I don’t need to prove myself talented as much as I need to prove myself burdened, willing and trustworthy.

Don’t surprise your employees by changing their schedule and not letting them know.

Being scared about the potential of something bad is not near as real or deep as being scared about the potential of something good.

Any topic becomes more interesting when the speaker is passionate and prepared.

When the local vision is being accomplished, raise the bar with a clear global vision.

I don’t mind working hard, or even working a lot, but I HAVE to know what it is I’m supposed to do!!! Frustration is worse than exhaustion!

I tend to think clearer when I’m outside.

We can read and study and learn all day but the only way we can improve our daily lives is through changing our habits.

In my moments of weak faith I am tempted to plan, assuming one more list in a file will put me in control.

I’m willing to be hurt deeply to be used greatly.

You have to be someone people want to hear from before your opinion will be taken seriously by others.

The only time you ever need to respond is when something has changed or you have been proven to be wrong.

I end way too many sentences with “so..” and “or whatever.” This shows uncertainty and lack of confidence.

Sometimes we learn more from questions than answers.

I will feel unworthy to be called a church planter until I have an ipad

“I want to live so that I’m not forgotten when I’m gone” –unknown

Will be looking @ more houses this weekend. Is God leading anyone to donate their 3 bedroom 2 bath home with wood floors and an open layout?

I just got a spam comment on my blog from someone with the name “how to make weed brownies.”

The snow is melting so fast i think i need an umbrella

Always wash your windows when pumping gas. its almost three bucks a gallon, get your moneys worth!

“you don’t have to feel like a waste of space” wow katy perry, you have the gift of encouragement!

Trying to think of how to make as much money as possible. all my ideas so far involve ripping people off or having talents i dont have

Im going to write a book called “The 1 Month Diet” and release it right before Christmas.

Rather than recieving an offering i think our church plant may just charge admission.

My favorite thing about a robe is that you can get undressed without having to take off your shoes.

On our way to ohio. driving through kentucky and very hungry but i guess in kentucky they dont believe in interstate exits.

I just said out loud, “the best way for news to spread is mouth to mouth.” #oops

saw a friend’s relationship status on facebook change and it made me think of that verse about a dog returning to its vomit

Now that i have DVR my favorite insult is to call someone a “commercial watcher”

A guy at the restaurant just asked the waitress for crackers. um…. they are called saltines! #racist

I will always refer to them as twitter messages. I just cannot say the word “tweet” and feel masculine.

I just informed everyone at dinner that prayer is retroactive and covers appetizers. when you’ve been to seminary people believe you.

somebody actually just asked me, “so do you and your wife both live in Dalton?”

Dumb thing of the day that i said to my wife: “There is an i in marriage.”

So in atlanta they refer to I-85 as Georgia’s biggest parking lot. #thatsfunny

Fire drill on training day at a company i am not familiar with. i didnt know adults still had to do this.

just remembered that when i was in college i said i was gonna write a book that was a knock off of @RickWarren‘s called “Purpose Driven Wife”

My dad believes in being faithful to your spouse and that drinking alcohol is wrong yet loves country music. go figure.