Today twitter, blogs, espn, radio talk shows, and every other source of media is blowing up with hate and anger in reaction to LeBron’s choice.  The Cleveland Cavs owner has basically called LeBron an egotistical jerk (not exactly a smart move in recruiting future players) and some people in Cleveland have been seen burning jerseys of the player who was their hero just weeks before.

The emotional side of me of course wants to be upset that the best player in the game walked away from my childhood team.  However, stepping back from the situation, I have to admit that what LeBron did was a very humble and smart move.  He is taking less money to play on a team with his best friends and gives him a great shot at winning a championship.  I mean, aren’t professional athletes constantly criticized of following the money and having inflated egos to where they over estimate their own abilities?  In this case, LeBron has done exactly the opposite.  Again, he is giving up money to play where he wants to play, with whom he wants to play, and on a team that will probably win it all several times in the years to come.  Unless you are a fan of one of the other teams that wanted James, how in the world can you be upset about his decision.  Yet still, he is facing a lot of heat (no pun intended) for his choice to put winning above the dollar.

This just goes to show you will NEVER be able to please everyone.  There is no move Lebron could have made that would have made everyone, or even most everyone, happy.  The same goes for you and me.  When we try to live our lives according to common opinion, we will only set ourselves up to have more critics as well as becoming more aware that we now have more critics.

In a conversation with my wife just yesterday she made the comment, “It’s not ok for me to want that” in reference with a desire she has for her future.  Her statement came as a result of pressures she feels from others.  For most of us, if we continue our lives as current we will have to hear “concerns” from others as to why we are not doing “this” or “that.”  If we step out and make some changes, whether by our choice or pressure from others, there will be those who will question us as to who do we think that we are that we would go and do that.

There will always be opposition, many times from those we least expect and possibly even those we are closest to.  Case in point, we cannot live our lives trying to appease others.  It’s a formula for exhausting ourselves and becoming walked all over.

Be who you are.  Want what you want.  Do what you feel like doing (as long as it’s legal) and don’t apologize for it!

In case you were unable to join us, we had a wonderful wedding day.  We broke a lot of unwritten wedding rules by seeing each other and having our pictures taken before the ceremony.  The people who didn’t have to wait nine hours between wedding and reception appreciated this.

We had the band Simple Fool lead a worship set at the beginning of the ceremony and some of our friends enjoyed the music so much they are now attending the church.

But even after the cake had been eaten, the presents were opened, and our car cleaned up from all our wedding party did to it, Katy and I found ourselves sitting in our hotel room asking, “When will this feel real?”

Though we are still wondering when the reality of our being married will kick in, feedback from others has proven to me that they are now seeing me as “real”.  I started to understand this when a premarital workbook we were doing had me interview my parents.  One of the questions was “how will me getting married effect my relationship with you?”

Immediately my dad spoke up and said, “we will begin to see you as a real adult.”  Thinking about his answer later, I almost got upset.  I knew what he meant by it, but I find the attitude reflected a lot in our society that you’re not legit until you reach this age or have a certain status, in this case ‘married’.

I have a great friend in full time ministry, accomplishing a lot and dealing with a lot of responsibility.  Even though my friend is a good bit older than I, he consistently has people approaching him trying to hook him up with a date or treat him like there’s something wrong with him because he’s single.

When getting mad at my dad and others for waiting until now to take me seriously, I had to realize that I actually had (and have) this attitude toward myself.  So many times I would use excuses to myself like, “well when I reach the next stage in life” or “I’ll get serious once I’m…..(married)”

These excuses caused me to not always take myself seriously and perhaps as a result gave others an excuse to not take me seriously either.  And if I think that just putting on a ring is going to cause others to take me seriously I would be just as mistaken as if I thought the state would give me a license just for turning sixteen.

Marriage is a huge step in life and in most cases causes a lot of growth and reflects maturity.  But having others (as well as myself) believe that now that I’m married my “real life” can begin made me feel like I wasted a lot of time.  It also caused me to never want to judge someone or their worth based on if they are where I think they should be at their current stage in life.

Ever heard any of these?  I’m sure I’ve heard more “just phrases” than I realize.  I noticed it the other day while at the dentist though.  As he was cleaning my teeth he began to make small talk between spits.  After a couple questions he stated, “so you’re just working”?

What?!?!

Just working?  Yeah!  I’m doing what it takes to make money so I don’t end up homeless.  Yeah, I’m putting in 80 hours a week so I can make my car payment and give to church and get married.  Yeah I’m JUST working!  But, his hands we in my mouth so I just nodded and moaned.

I thought about it though.  When we say just anything, we’re downplaying another person or their situation.  “It’s just a cold”.  “It’s just a few hours”.

Kinda makes me wanna step in something, walk through your house and say, “it’s just dog crap”!

The Bible tells us not to let others look down on us and then gives a list of reasons they might, like age or race.  Though we can’t stop others from thinking what they want, I think we are not supposed to take our worth from them.  We live in a competitive society and when others feel poorly about themselves they try to find one thing about one person that doesn’t seem all that great and pounce.

I’m not just anything, and neither are you.  If we have a right view of God, we won’t even judge ourselves as just’s.  Rather, we are. We’re not defined by what we do or where we live.  Our race, gender, height, orientation, or amount of facebook friends don’t make better than anyone else.

God determines our worth and the fact He thought us worthy to save means we’re alright.  He won’t let us have a pity party because we’re not pitiful enough to merit one.  You may be broke, naked, dirty, or ignorant, but you’re His.

So, tell me that you think.  Is sin sin just because God says so?  Is it sin only if it’s in the Bible and/or against the law?  Did God just hand pick what He wanted to call sin or did He look at everything that may be harmful and destructive to us and others and deem those things sin to protect us?

That being said…..do you hate your job? I have been there.  I worked at Chick-Fil-A once.  Now, there is nothing wrong with working at Chick-Fil-A, but I was doing so because I had no other options and had just been removed from a position within my calling and passion.  For months I found myself hating work and scared of getting stuck forever in what I was doing at the time.  The more I talk to others I find that many feel this way.  Allow me to share a few small things that helped my attitude to change long before my situation did.

• Realize the job is the means, not the ends

I heard it said that “we do what we must so we can do what we want.”  That’s how we need to view our jobs.  Even if we really enjoy what we do for a living, we should want the better things of life to be how others see us.  I would rather be seen as loving, honest, and a great friend more than just a good teacher.  Your job allows you to provide for yourself and your family; it’s not who you are.

• Find that one person/thing you really enjoy

When I was at Chick-Fil-A, it was the drive-thru.  I loved getting to work the drive-thru and it was even better if I got to work it with this girl named Dawn.  She was a lot of fun, she got my jokes, and getting all those cars through the line made me feel more productive and caused time to go by quicker.  What at your job does that for you?

• Utilize your free time

If you spend every minute of your day at work thinking about how much you hate it, of course it’s going to be bad.  But if you can find those ten minute breaks to finish off a chapter in that book or you have some slow time in the afternoon which you can use to deep breathe or text your special someone, it will provide a break to the emotional strain of your thoughts during the day.

• Find a stress reliever to engage in right after work

A bad job is bad enough.  When you carry all those feelings home it causes you to have bad days and then bad weeks.  Find something right after work that you enjoy that allows you to shift gears mentally.  For me, working out helps, so I go straight to the gym after bad work days.  Sometimes though I may just want to plop down on the couch for an hour and unwind in front of the TV.  Experts have suggested changing your clothes right after work because you associate your business outfit with your work.

These things have helped me.  Perhaps if you feel “stuck” at work they will be of help to you.  If not, I hope you find what does work for you.  Perhaps you already have discovered what you need so that work doesn’t cause the wheels to come off every day at 5:30.

Please fell free to share what has worked for you!

If you know my story, you know I went through a difficult time of emotional pain and material loss a few years ago when I was let go from a ministry position.  Though some may think I’m milking that situation for all I can get (by the way – book comes out this summer), I have thought about if the me now could go back to the me of August 2007, what might I say.  There I was, having lost my ministry, my income, having to move out of the church housing I had.  No family, little savings, still relatively new to town.  Here is what I think I would have told myself then:

Pray more, worry less

Your sitting alone fretting will do no good.  Take this trial as an opportunity to      grow faith.  If you’re going to be spending so much time by yourself, spend it before God rather than going through newspapers and websites thinking you have to figure it all out.

Allow people to help you

Swallow your pride and quit telling others and yourself you’re ok.  It’s not a sin to be in need and many are well-meaning and able when they offer their support.  Quit robbing them of the chance to be a blessing to someone in need.

Don’t spend money on anything that requires you to pay before you have the chance to start earning

You are going to get caught up and tempted with many “opportunities.”  don’t be ignorant and naïve and end up regretting blowing a lot of your money on things that are not what they appear to be and never pay you a dime.

We learn through our mistakes.  At the end of the day, I still believe I am better off because of what I went through and the direction it has brought my life.  Though the above may reveal a few mistakes I made in that past situation, I’m proud of myself that I did seize the opportunity to make a fresh start with new friends, new habits, and a new church.  I’m also glad that I did not rush back into ministry before I was ready and hurt even more people because of that.

I fully believe that God deals with us in the present.  When we mess up, He does not point His finger and tell us we blew it.  Rather He sees where we got off track, and He deals with us from there.  We may not be able to call out to ourselves from 5 years into the future, but if we will realize our opportunities and practice faith and patience, I do believe we can live without regrets.

The weekly hour long show stars and is produced by Ray Romano, who I already adored, and is the ongoing story of three men in their forties as they deal with real life issues.  The writing is impressive and smart as each of the three featured characters has a very unique and clearly conveyed personality and lifestyle, allowing almost any guy who watches the show to latch on to one of them.  One man is going through a separation and fighting to stay involved in the lives of his kids while dealing with a gambling addiction.  Another man is trying to continue in the lifestyle of a swinging bachelor while going back and forth on whether he feels contentment with his life.  The third man has an incredible, supportive wife and a great family but is consistently distracted from enjoying them because of a job he hates, the rejection he feels from his father, and stressful situations emotionally and financially.

I find myself feeling their pain and longing for a meaningful life every time I watch the show.  Routinely the scenes follow the men’s individual stories and trials while intermission clips have the three at a diner table discussing life and challenging, supporting, and picking on one another.  Though my life situation is not the same as any of these men’s, I strongly sense an attachment to some of their personality struggles and am pulled in to their problems because in a very un-media like way, they have true, believable struggles that I could see one day being struggles for myself.  Perhaps it is watching these three men go through their midlife crisis that is speaking to me, causing me to evaluate myself now so I never have to have one of my own.  Perhaps I am jealous of their bond, hoping no matter how messed up my life gets in the future I will have solid friends to sit across the table from and pour myself out to.  Maybe I have been hooked by just another show with descent scripting.  Maybe I’m just bored and this show just happened to be on.

Either way, it has moved me and whether the message it is sending is the one I’m actually receiving or not, I feel like the result has been meaningful thinking about myself.  And so, I thought I would share it with you.

I then made it through college with a good bit of a support group from which I received affirmation through letters, money, or just good solid conversations. I was then immersed in encouragement when I was hired onto a church staff. It was not until much later I learned the sad truth that my case was not the norm with ministers but during my two years on staff I was showered with love, support, free food, positive words, and the like. Anytime I was given a Sunday night to preach, there was a line after the service telling me how great it was. Never did I leave a youth event without a note on my car complimenting my effort. I was able to keep an encouragement drawer in my office desk of all the notes, cards, pictures, gift cards receipts, etc. that had been given me. I took all of this for granted and like most things, did not miss it until it was gone. Sure, when I was let go from the church I got bombarded with phone calls and emails and was invited to several family dinners, but those slowly faded and I had to learn to pick my own self up and go.

I am still lucky though. I have people tell me how much they appreciate what I do or say, and I never take that lightly. I even had someone text me because they thought it had been too long since I had last blogged and they told me how much they enjoy reading what I write. I still get hugs from people I used to work with when we see each others at Wal-Mart. I have a high school class mate who always tells me how much talent and potential he thinks I have. And several weeks ago I was just walking a hallway in the hospital and ran into a man from the church I used to serve at. Never had this man been under my ministry or related to anyone who was, but he had always made an intentional effort to get to me, shake my hand, and speak words of power into me. He stopped me there in the hospital and picked up as though he had never quit, feeding me with power and truth. Even though we had never really sat down together and had not even been in contact in some time, he shared how he continues to pray for me and that he believes with all his heart that God has told him how huge the things are He wants to do through me.

I fought back tears in the middle of a busy hallway as I thought to myself, I needed to hear this. It is a gift from God to have people who encourage me and lift me up.

A professor in college told me the guest who encourages will always be invited back. I wish everyone could experience having people in their lives who speak into them. There is a power that comes in knowing others love you and support you. And for me to know that, those people had to make a move. They could have just thought nice things about me or prayed for me but never let me know. No, rather they came to me and let me know what to them was probably simple thoughts but served as amazing encouragement to me.

We need to recognize and appreciate those who are encouraging us. Without knowing it, they are causing us to feel empowered and calling for us to reach higher. Know who is encouraging you and keep them close!

I have to confess that I have fallen to this temptation as well.  I would show sympathy when hearing about another ministry’s misfortune while deep inside always feeling better about myself.  It was as though if I could show they were not all others thought they were, I was somehow better.  Or if I did not like a certain pastor or church, for whatever reason, I wanted to hear bad things about them to repeat.  I now find this very funny because in college I created the ministry motives test which basically says, if someone else accomplished what you wanted to do for God, how would you feel? Is my ultimate motive to see others come to Christ, or to be the one who gets them there?

It’s silly if you think about it; to get upset because someone hundreds of miles away is doing well at something you want to do where you are.  Or that someone in the church down the street is reaching people you have never even reached out to.  Yet, I have been there.

One of the fastest growing churches in America is Elevation Church.  I found out about them at the Unleash Conference in 2008 when I saw this kid.  I then found out the kid was a pastor.  I then found out this kid was the pastor of the largest group at the conference.  I rushed home to look up info on him, as though I was going to find something no one else knew.  Come to find out the kid was Steven Furtick, pastor of Elevation Church in Charlotte, North Carolina and I had no problem with him other than he was young.  His church has grown to about 5,000 in three years and he started the church when he was twenty-six.

I was jealous.  That’s all there is to it.  I thought he was too young, even though he was doing at his age what I wished I could be doing at the time.  I thought his church was growing too fast, which I doubt he really had much control over.  I was upset with him for a lot of things that were not his fault.

So how did I overcome this?  I educated myself.  It’s easy to look down on and accuse when you are ignorant.  So I read his blog (though I refused to “follow” it) and got some of his sermons on Itunes.  I forced myself to admit when he made good points or had great ideas.  It was hard for me, but I don’t want to become some bitter preacher who becomes a critic when people get saved.  I would never want someone to waste time getting upset or jealous of me over something so shallow and pointless.

When we look at other churches, or other businesses, or sometimes even other’s lives, we can immediately get critical in an attempt to look better.  All that does is reveal our own insecurity and repel a lot of people.  That’s not what I want for my life.  Perhaps if we rejoiced with others more, they would feel more supported and not fall into situations that cause us to have to mourn with them.

One NFL story I have been particularly interested in is the return of Michael Vick, who after almost two years in jail and a short suspension for his acts in dog fighting and killing of dogs has returned to the league.  Watching Vick play some with his new team in Philadelphia reminded me how I used him as an example in my book in chapter three where I discuss why it is that we repent.  So, because of Vick’s play sparking my memory, and since I am long over-due for sharing another part of my book with you, here is a somewhat lengthy excerpt from Chapter three:

The time frame in which I was going through this life changing experience was in correlation with the animal cruelty trial of Michael Vick, a National Football League quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons.  In the summer of 2007, Vick was accused of hosting dog fights on property he owned in Virginia.  For weeks it was talked about and during that time friends of Vick’s came forward and confessed to partaking in dog fighting events and even killing some dogs that were unable to fight.  Sports writers jumped to judgment and debated on what punishment Vick should face.  All of this continued for some time, while Vick continued to deny that he had any part in or knowledge of what had happened at his out-of-state home.

When I accepted the staff position at my former church, I moved from my college campus in Chattanooga, Tennessee, into Georgia to live across the street from the church.  Because I was very far away from my home town of Canton, Ohio and I am an avid sports fan, I tried to get into the professional teams in the nearest large city, which was Atlanta.  I liked their basketball team, the Hawks, about as much as they won, which was not much, and could never get over the fact that the Braves baseball team had beat my Cleveland Indians in the 1995 World Series, so I couldn’t cheer for them.  The Falcons was the only Atlanta sports team I was really able to support.  They were slightly above average, but all of their success was because of the exciting, agile play of their mobile quarterback, Michael Vick.  Knowing that if he had to serve jail time or was suspended, the team would be in big trouble caused me to keep up with the story throughout the summer, not realizing the connection with Vick I would later feel.

On August 27, just over a week after my resignation, Vick came forward and admitted he was guilty of the illegal acts that went on at his Virginia home.  On that day, Vick delivered, without notes, what seemed like a very heartfelt apology for every part he had in the dog fighting scandal.  He apologized to the team, the fans, and all the kids who looked up to him and his super-star status.  Sports writers and TV commentators began to immediately make remarks about Vick’s speech, declaring whether they thought it was sincere or an act.

As I heard these sports experts give their opinion on an issue that had little to do with sports, I couldn’t help but reflect on the situation I was in and the sorrow I was feeling at that time.  I saw the situation in an entirely different light, being in one myself where I was dealing with a lot of regret and sorrow, hoping for the forgiveness of others.

A question I usually ask when a celebrity or well-recognized public figure gets in a situation which demands their apology is, “Are they really sorry or just sorry because they were caught?”  Once again I reflected back to my own situation, where I was facing guilt because I lost my job over an incident that happened more than a month earlier.  Though I felt bad at the time I messed up, it was not until the consequences came about later that I was driven to a deeper state of sorrow and repentance.

So what is the difference?  Does it matter?  In the spiritual sense, is the means what matters, or is it just that we get to the point, somehow, someway, to where we are truly sorry?  It is here that I must stop drawing the comparisons with Michael Vick’s situation and mine.  Since that late August press conference, Vick has since done things that would point towards his apology being less genuine than I had hoped.

I think it’s quite evident when someone is truly sorry.  If their sins have to find them out to drive them to that point of sorrow, then that just may have to be the way it goes.  I believe God is more interested in our heart’s attitude than our body’s comfort.  If it takes more for some to admit what they’ve done and bring them to a desire to change, nothing in scripture causes me to believe that God will not do everything He must to have them come back to Him.  The
Bible says that God chases those who are His.

So despite the opinions some had and continue to have about Michael Vick, I learned something from him.  God used a professional athlete who broke the law to teach me that he wants all who are guilty to repent.  For some, it may simply be their conscience telling them something was wrong, and they quickly confess it.  Others may need to be exposed before they are willing to face up to what they have done.  Either way, whatever it takes or whatever circumstances must occur that will lead us to sorrow, it is at that point of sorrow that we feel regret for what we have done and acknowledge that something must be done about it.   The righteous sorrow God brings into our lives serves as our reason for repentance.