Us living in a place of anger is a very bad thing.  When those endorphins are being released into our brain and our temperature is rising because we are upset, we are prone to make hasty decisions (such as tweeting things we will later regret).  You are not in your right mind when you are acting out of provoked emotion.

When something makes you angry, your thoughts go to bad places.  You want to get revenge.  You become consumed with making the person or group you’re mad at look bad or trying to prove them wrong.  You start spending more and more of your time looking for dirt on those who are the source of your anger. You even begin to blame them for feeling the way you do.

This is a dark place where many people have become stuck.  They walk around in constant resentment toward a parent.  They are always angry at their boss and looking to take cheap shots at him whenever the opportunity arises.  They are always on the edge about politics and any word that rhymes with ‘economy’ will get everyone around them an ear-full of their opinions.  Again, they’re stuck.  They’ve been taken captive and their emotions and peace has been sacrificed just so someone they don’t even know can have their money or their vote.

It’s better just to remove yourself from the show, song, or person that makes you so angry.  I’ve had to do this.  There are a couple pastors whose podcasts I no longer download because all they were doing was using their sermons to rile people and stir emotions.  I now avoid certain news programs because I know they will cause me to get angry and want to say and do bad things to others as a result of a half-told story.

We’ve got to remove ourselves from these sources.  Then we will be able to think clearly, seek to be released from that anger and pray our way out of that bad place of extreme emotions.

Then I moved out and began living life as a single man.  For several years as an independent single man I took care of most of my own needs and I slowly got out of the habit of saying “Thank you.”  I realized this a couple years ago when a coworker brought in lunch for our entire department and as I was eating she called me out for not thanking her.  I was embarrassed and ashamed of myself for having become so ungrateful.

God recently brought this to my attention again.  I strive to be so self-sufficient and able that I deny my need for others and therefor don’t acknowledge what they do for me.  This is not an issue of dependence though as much as it is spiritual health.  Someone with a proper view of God will always be aware of all they have been given.

Thankfulness is a characteristic of a heart returning to God.

 Being grateful/thankful is the first step in worship.  It is our reaction to the initial realization of all our blessings.

In September I heard Steven Furtick deliver a great message (which you can watch here) on gratitude.  One of the things he said was “Gratitude begins where our sense of entitlement ends.”

What we think we deserve and see as our right, we will not be thankful for.  If we think because we are Americans we are entitled to a job we will never be thankful for that job.  If we think we should be married because it seems like everyone else is we will not be thankful for our spouse.  I could go on.

For me, these thoughts about gratitude came together to remind me how much I need to be thankful.  I need to acknowledge and recognize what God and other people have done for or given to me.

Are there blessings in your life you think you’re entitled to and that attitude is keeping you from being thankful?

Most of our talking about ourselves comes in the form of our thoughts.  We think about ourselves all day and at any given time are currently holding a view or opinion about ourselves.  Though we may never vocalize the majority of it, how often do we have internal thoughts along the line of, that was stupid, why did I say that? That didn’t work, you are such a moron, or they probably didn’t speak to me because they don’t like me?

We would not put up with others saying such things yet we allow ourselves to take cheap shots at ourselves and call ourselves names all throughout the day.  If a couple times a day we are telling ourselves you’re not smart enough, you’re not good enough, or you could never do that, it should be no mystery as to why we doubt ourselves and are in a place to easily accept the negative things others say about us.  We are beating ourselves up in our mind.  And whether you want to accept this or not, that internal dialogue takes a toll on your soul.

Part of being emotionally and relationally healthy is monitoring our own self-talk.  If you are married it’s also important to be careful of the things you allow yourself to think about your spouse.  You may never say it to them, but continual thoughts such as he will probably forget, she is so clumsy, and they just don’t care about me can create distance and barriers in your marriage.  You’ve heard it said that if you hear something enough you begin to believe it.  Well that is partially true.  You at least begin to accept it, expect it, or even look for it.  So even if what you are hearing is coming from your own thoughts, you will put yourself in a negative disposition toward yourself or someone you love by constantly dwelling on your (or their) bad habits, negative traits, or character flaws.

This is the power of negative thinking.  Ultimately it is your view of yourself that determines how valuable you think you are.  If you are married, your spouse’s opinion of you is the second most important.  Don’t allow this unspoken talk to put you at a disadvantage in your relationship before you even begin to speak.

For some reason the prayer stood out to me and a sense came over me that I felt was impressing, “pay attention to this.”  The prayer time ended and everyone went their separate way, but I continued to dwell on my pastor’s prayer against fear.  Why did he pray that?  Why did it stick out to me?  What does fear have to do with a church staff holding church services?

For quite some time I’ve been thinking about the subject of confidence and what it’s role is supposed to be in my role as a leader.  One of my first blog posts was about confidence and just recently I wrote this post about confidence and Godly authority.  In my reading, writing, and thinking about these confidence-like issues I have been putting pressure on myself to grow in these areas.  But hearing my pastor pray against fear and later praying through that concept, I think I realized I have been approaching the issue from the wrong angle.

I left the staff prayer meeting reflecting on how many times the Bible tells us not to fear.  Jesus taught that we are to fear not.  It all of a sudden made sense that my pastor would pray against fear.  He knew that if a worship service, and ministry in general, is done with fear present, it will not be done as effectively.  There will be a sense of hesitancy.  Intimidation could arise.  It will be easier for a fear of man to creep onto the scene.

In mulling these things over I realized that my focus should not be on attaining boldness or acting with confidence, but rather to lead, serve, love, and live my life with a lack of fear.  Since realizing this I have been made aware of how often I feel fear and how many things cause it in me.  All those times I feel fear I am living outside of how God wishes I would live in those situations.

If I were able to “fear not” at all times, what would be the result?

Confidence?  No!

Boldness?  Authority?  No!

To live without fear would bring freedom.  Freedom to be who I am!  Freedom to do what God told me to do!

And freedom is a lot better than confidence.  While confidence would be trusting in my abilities despite the fear of failure, freedom results from relieving those fears because the consequence of following God is not up to me.  So rather than chasing after confidence, putting pressure on myself to feel boldness in order to face my fears, the way God teaches is to simply live without fear.  To live without fear provides the freedom to follow God, to carry out your vision, and to lead worship services in a way that may appear confident, simply because you do not have to deal with the hesitations and self-doubt that comes from fear.

For some reason, I almost always feel the temptation to belabor my point.  When others look at me and do not respond immediately, I sense the need to keep on talking – repeating myself or going deeper and deeper into my reasoning until I am coming off as unsure of myself.

This has become more noticeable since our timing has changed for church planting.  As people have approached me and asked for an update, I have found myself giving much more explanation than they were looking for.  It’s as if I feel the need to justify our plans or reasoning.  I don’t know if this is because I think I need others’ validation but I have developed the habit of talking way too much, as though my many words substantiate my message.

Can you relate?  Are there any areas where you feel you do the same thing?

As I try to break this practice of insecurity, I have realized three things that are helping me:

One is to be around people who I don’t have to prove my legitimacy to.  To me, this is family members who believe in me and other church leaders who understand the church planting process and are mature believers.

Second, I am working to accept that our reasoning for this stage of our lives is good enough without other’s approval.

And finally, I am becoming content to have simple plans and simple (or few) steps in that plan, even when others give me the look of, “is that all?”

One of these books was Love Talk by Les and Leslie Parrott.  We saw this book on the bookshelf at a used book store and bought it.  We did this because we had identified our biggest struggle as ongoing miscommunication.  It had become habit for us to be having a conversation and one of us become hurt or offended.  Not because we were trying to hurt the other person, but that somewhere along the communication line one of us was not hearing the words the other person was speaking with the same meaning that was intended.  We were hearing the same words and same tone but apparently it was carrying a different meaning for each of us.

The chapters of Love Talk broke down different parts of our communication as well as the difference between the feelings and goals that go into communicating for men and women.  Establishing that Katy empathizes and I analyze awakened us to our differences.  We also learned that I influence and reason with facts and Katy does this with feelings.  And that I spend most of my thoughts focused on the future and Katy focuses more on dealing with the present.   We also both go back and forth between being aggressive and passive problem solvers.  All these differences, if ignored, make it easy for us to stumble in our communicating.

Understanding each other and our feelings sets us up for better discussion.  Because we make ourselves vulnerable in intimate communication, we are responsible to care for and protect each other’s feelings in those times.  With what we’re learning about each other and some conversations tips we received from a counselor, Katy and I are learning to have more successful, safe, and productive conversations.

This solid communication is key to feeling loved and understood; a goal for every relationship.

These kinds of things use to make me really mad.  For real, I would get upset all day over something I read or heard from someone I don’t know.  It could be unbiblical criticism of a contemporary “heretic” preacher or a bold stance wrongly calling something sin and condemning all who partake.  Reading/hearing that would ruin my day.

My reaction used to be anger.

I would get upset.  I would get mad.  I sometimes would even leave comments on the websites or write letters to “correct” them.  My online comments were rarely allowed by the authors.  This made me even more upset.

Then, I realized how pathetic my reaction was.

Now let me say that I believe condemning something God has not condemned is wrong and I personally believe legalists will be judged for their Pharisee like statements and the heavy religion they have tried to use to control others.  But setting them straight is not my job.

So what’s my reaction to these things now?

I feel sorry for them.  Honestly.  I used to get angry, and I still deal with some of that.  But for the most part I just feel sorry for them.  They usually portray themselves as unhappy, bitter people who think just because they have self-imposed strict religious ways that suck the fun out of their lives that everyone around them should do the same.

Besides, how did these people become legalists?

From sitting under and learning from other legalist!

So though it is sad that they have been brain-washed with an uptight religion that blocks a true view of God, it’s not their fault they were made that way by the false teaching of legalistic influences.

They are simply misguided.  Unfortunately, they are also stubborn (because they can’t handle conflict over their weak logic) so it is hard to show them the truth without becoming frustrated or mad, like I used to get.

So now, I simply feel sorry for those pastors, bloggers, and misguided followers when I hear/read such legalistic, unbiblical banter.  I want to be mad, but they are still a human created and loved by God.  Just as our hearts should go out to those misguided and manipulated into a cult, so our attitude should be toward those who have been lead astray down the path of legalism.

God deliver them!

“Leaders absorb pain.”

“You will never have to forgive another person of as much as Christ forgave you.”

Allow me to first thank you for your support.  So many of you are consistently praying for us, encouraging us and asking for updates in our church planting journey.  The purpose of this letter is actually to inform you of a pretty significant update on our lives.

While Katy and I were dating I informed her that I felt lead to plant a church.  I tried my best to explain what that meant and how it may look for us and our family should we stay together.  Doing a great work of faith such as starting a church resonated with Katy and she told me she was fully supportive.

As long as we’ve been together church planting has had a major role in our relationship.  We have spent several of our weekends and some of our vacation days participating in church planting events.  During the weeks leading up to our wedding and immediately after we were participating in a school of church planting.  At times, church planting dominated our plans and schedules, distracted from our relationship, and even became a point of conflict, occasionally.

We recently had some experienced church planters and counselors advise us to take some time to develop the foundation of our marriage before jumping into the demanding task of full force church planting.  That Godly counsel hit home for us and God confirmed this advice in us.

So our update is that we are stepping back.  Not stepping down or away, but temporarily stepping back to enjoy God and each other before rushing to start the church.  I want my marriage and my family to have a solid foundation.  I want my wife to know she is the most important thing on this earth to me.  Because of this, we are making some changes to our timeline of launching Freedom Church.  Basically, we are slowing things way down and leaving it open to God’s direction as to when we pick them up again.

Again, we thank you for all your love and support through this endeavor so far and we hope you will continue to stand with us.  Though the timeframe is being adjusted, we still know that one day Freedom Church will exist in downtown Chattanooga.  We just believe that if we take an extended period of time to be a family first and then be church planters, that both our relationship and the church will ultimately be stronger for it.

If there are any questions you may have about what I have said or what we are doing I would encourage you to contact me if you would like to discuss these things further.

Thank you and God bless!

Aaron Marcelli

Though we are just a few steps in and more than a year away from having a worship service, I have learned church planting is about more than just what I will do.  It’s about who I become.  It’s about what happens to me.  It becomes more increasingly obvious that the process of me planting a church is not just for God to change the lives of people in Chattanooga who we are going there to reach.  It’s also about Him changing my life.

The first thing I’ve learned (or should I say been reminded of) through church planting so far is that God is sovereign.  Basically meaning, He is in charge!  He is calling the shots!  This is His gig!

The early pre-launch stage has been one of up’s and down’s for me.  Go to a great conference – up.  Stress about fundraising – down.  Get to meet with another church planter – up.  Have argument with wife – down.  Find a great house in Chattanooga – up.  Get outbid on the great house – down.

Mountain tops and valleys have never been as high, as low, or as frequent as they have been of late.  Yet, when things seem to get very stressful, difficult, or discouraging God seems to show up.  He usually does something very, very small that seems almost insignificant yet could only be something He orchestrated.

My wife and I have begun to call these little things “confirmations that we are doing the right thing.”  Sometimes the finances don’t make sense, the risk seems too great, or what’s required goes against my personality.  I usually react with doubt, concerned that doors are closing or I am discouraged because moving and starting a church is actually not what God wants.  But then there will be a letter, a phone call, a conversation, a sermon, a…………whatever.  And you know.  You just know its God saying, “See.  I got this.  It’s not about you and how well you can do it.  I’m planting this church because I WANT IT.”

I have to admit that way too many times I’ve cried in repentance, telling God I’m sorry.  Sorry for doubting.  Sorry for trying to have it all figured out.  God is sovereign.  He is in control.  My only responsibility is to be obedient.  He’s the one who is going to do all the rest.  He has to.  He’s the only one who can.