Why is that?  Why do we immediately feel guilt when we discuss the health of our relationship with God?  When were we trained to believe it’s more spiritual or humble to say things like, “It could always be better” when asked the question above?

Would you think someone ungodly if you asked them how their relationship with God was and they simply replied, “Good?”  Would something strike you wrong about their answer?  Would you assume they were lying or think them arrogant?  Why is that?

There’s nothing wrong with saying that things are good between you and God!

I sensed God tell me this one night during my devotional time.  I was peering over my journal, pressuring myself to pray the right things, apologizing to God for not being as close to him as I thought I should be.  There was a feeling within me that said, You’re good.  It’s ok.  Stop beating yourself up.  You are active in church, you are seeking Me regularly, and you are going to the Bible with your struggles.  You’re doing well.  It’s ok to believe that.

It was like my eyes were opened to a way of thinking I had never been aware of before.  I grew up thinking it was holy to belittle yourself and arrogant to suggest you were anything more than a sinner who can’t keep all the rules.  This is a form of thinking I believe God is constantly trying to reset in my life.

Don’t lie to yourself.  Don’t say things are fine if they are not.  Don’t use my words to overlook a habitual sin God wants you to deal with.  But chances are, if you’re regularly seeking and worshipping God, He’s happy with you!  He wants you to be happy too.  He gets more glory out of you enjoying your relationship with Him than He does when you’re beating yourself up for everything that’s not a part of your spiritual walk.

It’s ok.  You don’t have to fake humility.

So let me ask you again, how is your relationship with God?

Is there anything you have that sense of passion for?

Do you have a calling that calls you to action?

If not, I would warn you against laziness and apathy.  At some point, something must move you enough that you get up and take action.

If you don’t feel your work is important, you will only do the minimum to get by.  If you’re not passionate about your relationships, you will have few close friendships.  If you don’t sense a calling to work toward a social, political or religious cause you will likely waste your time away rather than do volunteer work or take part in a public movement.

Living life without anything you get this excited about does not sound appealing.  It sounds like a waste.

That’s why I would encourage you to ask God to bless you with a burden.

The word burden may not sound like a good thing.  The word implies weight or responsibility but it can be the kind of productive responsibility that provides something you can give yourself to.

We all need a cause.  We all need some way of contributing to making the world a better place.  We need that thing we can give ourselves to.  Whether it’s music, parenting, missions, or the environment, find your burden.  Find that thing you feel like you must do!

Ask God to bless you with a burden and then give yourself to it.  It’s the better way to live.

My defense is…………….I was wrong.

To be honest I heard a speaker say this one time and I was simply repeating what I heard inaccurately taught about this passage of Scripture.  Doing so is poor research on my part and I now realize I was wrong.

My point about the passage was that it is not a ‘fix-all’ for Christians to repeatedly quote so they can be guilt free while having unchanged behavior.  Though my application was wrong my stance on this is still the same.  The verse is not a model for repeated confession.  I feel it is often taught in a way that says we’re all going to sin, but thankfully if we just go to God and confess our sins then it’s all good.  Being able to say this verse was meant for non-Christians fit with my agenda so I put that spin on the verse.  Again, I now realize this was wrong.

However, I still do not see 1 John 1:9 as a catchall for present sin.  The verse is usually quoted out of context but the chapter of 1 John 1 very clearly has a ‘looking back’ theme.  The writer is remembering what has been given.  He is listing what the believers have done.  He uses a lot of past-tense wording.

In that context I think verse 9 is saying that if we have (or since we have) confessed God has forgiven.  The verse is not a mandate to be in continual confession as to receive continual forgiveness.  John is teaching a promise.  He is telling his readers that if (assumed) they have confessed then God has forgiven.  They do not need to wonder if they have been forgiven or fear that their sin will be held against them.  No, if they have confessed, then they have been forgiven.  That attitude is consistent with the verses immediately before and after verse nine.

In looking at this chapter closer and reading better commentary on it I have to admit I made a mistake before and I hate that it went to print that way.  My point though was to show that 1 John 1:9 is not saying Christians must continually seek forgiveness.  I was trying to say that forgiveness occurs just once.  Repentance is continuous.  You are forgiven and become a Christian.  Once you are a Christian you will realize your need to repent on a pretty regular basis.

Our motivation for this is not forgiveness though.  It’s purity.  It’s holiness.  It’s a relationship with God that cannot exist while habitual sin is present.  God has already forgiven us of that sin, but allowing it to stay in the picture keeps us from enjoying all the blessings of His forgiveness.

Well, it seems as though I am at that place again.  God has recently convicted me very deeply of a habit I have developed.  I continually pray for God to show me things He wants to change or remove in my life and just this week He answered that prayer.

I have fallen into the bad habit (and sometimes sin) of speaking out.  I have a blog.  I have a twitter account.  I’m on facebook.  I’m in a small group.  I have friends.  I’m in church planter networks.  And sadly, the people associated with me through any of those means know my opinions on almost everything.

In the last few weeks there have been major, controversial things happening in the realms of politics and Christianity.  I have quickly spoken up and spoken out so others would know where I stand (whatever that means).  In doing so I have offended some, caused conflict with others, criticized, got upset, and perhaps pushed away some who disagree with me.  This is not how God wants me to live.

God pointed out to me how unhealthy it is to be boldly putting my opinions out for others who do not even know me to see.  This causes them to judge me by my opinions and not who I am.

While I was in college I overheard a group of professors sitting at a table in the cafeteria.  They were discussing theological things and were doing so wrongly in my opinion.  I wanted so badly to walk over and set them straight.  Immediately though the reality set in that most of them didn’t know me, didn’t see me as an authority on the issues, and would quickly disregard any point I had no matter how valid.  I realized people were not going to respect what I had to say until they had come to respect who I was as someone they would want to hear from.  The same is true today but somewhere along the line I forgot that.

I became truly broken when I realized I get more upset and defensive about someone who disagrees with my politics than I do with someone who disagrees with me on how to get to heaven.  Not that I should ever get defensive about any subject but as someone who is a church planter, a missionary if you will, should not my entire focus with people be to point them to Jesus, not my political bend?

I’m sorry!  I apologize!  I repent!  To any whom I argued with, got bad at, was hurt by, etc.  I’m sorry!  God has spoken and I was wrong!

I’ve heard it said that when it comes to controversial issues you can either win the argument or win the relationship.  Well from now on I’m dedicating myself to only trying to win the relationship.  This will mean I have to bite my tongue from time to time.  It will mean others may assume I believe something that I do not.  That’s not what’s important.

Trying to always speak up as though your opinion is actually going to change anyone’s mind is a trap!  And I fell into it deeply.  Thankfully God brought this to my attention now and I was close enough to hear Him.  My life is now being devoted not to what I have to say but who I am to be.  If I focus on being someone of integrity who shows love to others perhaps the time will come when my opinion is sought out.  At that time it will carry much more weight than the times I’ve thought everyone needed to know it and vomited it out into cyberspace.

In my book I quote the song I Repent by Derek Webb.  He discusses many things that I allowed to become part of my life.  Please read this and know it is how I feel.  I repent.

i repent of my pursuit of America’s dream
i repent of living like i deserve anything
my house, my fence, my kids, and my wife
in our suburb where we’re safe and white
i am wrong and of these things i repent

i repent of parading my liberty
i repent of paying for what i get for free
the way i believe that i am living right
by trading sins for others that are easier to hide
i am wrong and of these things i repent

i repent judging by a law that even i can’t keep
wearin righteousness like a disguise to see through
the planks in my own eyes

i repent of trading truth for false unity
i repent of confusing peace and idolatry
of caring more of what they think than what i know of what they need
and domesticating You until You look just like me
i am wrong and of these things i repent

I fear that I am the voice of God in my head.  At times I can really doubt myself and in those times the fear that keeps coming up is that what I think I’m hearing from God is really just my thoughts.  After all, I grew up in a Christian home.  I went to Bible College and did well.  I could give myself from pretty good advice.  And in my moments of weakness I am tempted to think that it’s all that good advice from myself and my own desires and ambitions that are really talking to me and not God.

If my thoughts and leadings and passions are really just my internal ego whispering to myself and making me think it is the voice of God then everything I feel “called” to do is a fraud and I’m destined to fail.  I cannot paint a picture dark enough to describe the loneliness and absence of hope that I feel when these thoughts get a powerful hold on me.

Thankfully I have learned to not dwell in these times of confusion and fear but run to God seeking clarity and assurance.  And when I go to God during these times I’m not just looking for assurance that He did call me to plant a church and that He does want to use me in that way.  I go to Him open handedly, making my future a clean book and asking Him to give me the vision HE has for me – whatever that is.  I don’t want there to be any excuses that I am being God to myself.

To this point all the opposition and difficulties in planting a church have been internal.  No one doubts me more than I doubt myself.  And that is exactly why I do not want to be responsible for what I do.  I don’t want to be the one calling the shots about my life and ministry.  I want that to be up to God.  And the only way He will take full responsibility for that is if He is the one giving directions.  It is only my job to obey.

When doubts come, they are real to me.  They hurt.  I sometimes feel like I have completely left God and gone off on my own continuing to talk to myself, playing the roll of the Holy Spirit.  That would be a dangerous place and I certainly don’t want to be there.  I have to continually be submitting to God, allowing Him to lead the way.  It’s only when I put myself in a place to really hear from Him that fears disappear and I receive clarity.

Several years ago I began to hear about the notion of planting a church.  I used to dream of what a church I would start would be like and all the things we would do.  Since then, the calling has become more defined and the vision more real.  Still, up until a few weeks ago if you had asked me about my vision for the church we want to plant, I would have most likely responded by telling you things.  I would have explained all the stuff I want our church to do and all the things we will be accomplishing.  I would have described a city impact and a large number of people doing lots of stuff.

As I have grown, spent time with God, and seen the launch of our church grow near, my vision has shifted.  The focus of my vision and my thoughts is no longer things we are going to do, but who I am going to be.  I still believe God has great things in store and that our church will do a lot.  But the result of my time seeking God has been a shift to a more personal, challenging, and deeper vision.  I went from seeing things God wanted to do through my efforts to asking myself, “who is it I need to be for God to be able to work through me in that way?”

So my vision is not a big building, a lot of people, or influence in the city of Chattanooga, though I still pray for those things.  My vision now is a realization that those things will not happen unless I assert myself as a leader, challenge others to grow higher, and continually humble myself before God, seeking what only He has for me.

The pattern of my spiritual growth has shown that God moves from the external to the internal as He begins to work deeper in us.  It should come as no surprise that God is now doing that same thing with the vision He has placed in me.  My calling is not to build a church, but to obey God and be the man He has called me to be.  The same is true for you.

These leadership nuggets though apply to all fields and I’m going to use the next several posts to share with you my findings.

• Pray on behalf of those you’re burdened for
• Know the people’s sins so you can intercede for them
  • And own those community sins.  You cannot detach yourself from the people and reach them.
• Claim God’s promises that relate to the situation
• Specifically name what practical actions you are going to take and ask for success
• Take action immediately “make me successful today”
• Pray for the others you don’t even know who have the same burden or are called to the same work

Last month though Katy and I attended a church planting conference in Cartersville.  Michael Lukaszewski (believe it or not – pronounces the way it looks) is the pastor of Oak Leaf Church in Cartersville and in session one of the church’s ‘Nuts and Bolts’ conference, he really challenged me.  He stepped before a group of hundreds of church planters seeking wisdom about church systems and strategies and addressed the deeper issue: spirituality.  Michael went through the story of Nehemiah, a book I had already been studying for leadership principles (posts coming soon) and mentioned how though Nehemiah had a passion and a vision, he was still patient and faithful in an extended time of waiting.  That time of waiting ultimately caused Nehemiah to be more prepared when his chance to carry out his God-given vision arose.

I’ve never been one to adapt a habit or system just to copy someone else, but after a very honest (and even heated) conversation with my wife on the way home, I determined that I needed to set aside forty days.  For the past month (and several more days) I have determined not to take any more steps toward church planting.  Rather than raising funds, making plans, and meeting with people, I have prayed.  Each morning during this time I have began the day by asking God what my prayer focus should be for the day, and then I have journaled what God has taught me throughout the days.

I have been lead to pray for things like purity, God’s favor, our marriage, and the less fortunate.  Most successful church plant stories include unexplained acts of God that will not come to a person or group that is pursuing their agenda and plan rather than God Himself.

So if any of you have wondered why you have not received any church planting updates from me lately, it’s because there simply is nothing to update you on.  My focus right now is not progress; it’s not movement.  My focus is God.  If I don’t make sure I have that right at this point, it will become more and more difficult to realign myself once things are in motion.  I’m taking the time now to make sure I don’t see the end as being another church in Chattanooga, but rather being in a place where I hear from God and am able to be used by Him.

• Vision
• Faith
• Leadership
• Purity

Salvation and Life Change

• The lost in Chattanooga
• Friends
• Family members
• Homeless
• Addicted
• Opportunities

The Church Plant

• God to grow it
• Relationships
• Finances
• The right place
• People
• Unity
• Launch/core team

My Marriage

• Sacrifice
• Love
• Purity
• Trust
• Partnership

My Relationship with God

• Clarity
• Wisdom
• Faith
• Power in prayer
• To hear from God
  • LISTEN!!!!

If you know my story, you know I went through a difficult time of emotional pain and material loss a few years ago when I was let go from a ministry position.  Though some may think I’m milking that situation for all I can get (by the way – book comes out this summer), I have thought about if the me now could go back to the me of August 2007, what might I say.  There I was, having lost my ministry, my income, having to move out of the church housing I had.  No family, little savings, still relatively new to town.  Here is what I think I would have told myself then:

Pray more, worry less

Your sitting alone fretting will do no good.  Take this trial as an opportunity to      grow faith.  If you’re going to be spending so much time by yourself, spend it before God rather than going through newspapers and websites thinking you have to figure it all out.

Allow people to help you

Swallow your pride and quit telling others and yourself you’re ok.  It’s not a sin to be in need and many are well-meaning and able when they offer their support.  Quit robbing them of the chance to be a blessing to someone in need.

Don’t spend money on anything that requires you to pay before you have the chance to start earning

You are going to get caught up and tempted with many “opportunities.”  don’t be ignorant and naïve and end up regretting blowing a lot of your money on things that are not what they appear to be and never pay you a dime.

We learn through our mistakes.  At the end of the day, I still believe I am better off because of what I went through and the direction it has brought my life.  Though the above may reveal a few mistakes I made in that past situation, I’m proud of myself that I did seize the opportunity to make a fresh start with new friends, new habits, and a new church.  I’m also glad that I did not rush back into ministry before I was ready and hurt even more people because of that.

I fully believe that God deals with us in the present.  When we mess up, He does not point His finger and tell us we blew it.  Rather He sees where we got off track, and He deals with us from there.  We may not be able to call out to ourselves from 5 years into the future, but if we will realize our opportunities and practice faith and patience, I do believe we can live without regrets.