Thoughts On Love
Posted By Aaron Marcelli on September 25, 2009
A couple of months ago my girlfriend and I went through a pretty rough time in our relationship in which I honestly questioned if we were going to make it. As it turned out there was simply a communication problem that existed as well as some self-created issues based on past experiences and unspoken expectations.
The week we spent apart however, trying to examine ourselves and reevaluate things, allowed me to do some serious testing as to what exactly I wanted out of love and a serious relationship. It dawned on me that I’m no longer seeking to be anyone’s knight in shining armor, come to sweep them off their feet. I’m not trying to be the brilliant young looker from the movies who always knows just what to say to bring joy to his woman’s heart in any situation. I’m too human to be those things.
I simply want someone to do life with. I think we create this image of the perfect person who is out there and we spend so much time, effort, and money into trying to find him or her that when we finally do come to the place of settling down, we enter with so much baggage over past failures based on others being unable to compare to the created lover in our mind. I’ve been burnt in the past and I’ve acted poorly as well, trying so hard to manufacture a relationship with a certain image or one to show off and compare against others. I’m tired of that. I just want to be me this time.
Sure, I need some improvements and have a lot to learn about love and sacrifice, but I’m going into it this time simply being who I am. And my expectations for the other person are not as shallow or selfish as before. I just want someone to love and make me feel loved. Someone I will look forward to coming home to each day; a godly young lady who takes responsibility in ministering to me and being my greatest fan while at the same time not hesitating to challenge me and cause me to have to grow stronger.
I’m willing to put the work in. I desire to fight each day to earn her love while in the back of my mind knowing I could never do anything to loose it. But I want to do that work for a real relationship, with a real person – a person who lives and breathes and makes mistakes. Someone I hold hands with and who drags me to shops, museums, and plays I don’t want to go to. I long for simplicity and am committed to working toward a relationship that will cut away all the unnecessary things in my life so that I can more fully enjoy what is real.
You don’t find the one, you create them. You create the one who is right for you by finding a person you are willing to put the time into a relationship with that moves past compatibility into commitment. That’s what I meant when I said in this post that I have worked my way into love – and it’s amazing!
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It is important not to find someone who is perfect, but someone who is willing to grow and mature spiritually. I saw that in my wife before we were married. There is a quote I really like about that: Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being.” Goethe
This was lovely. Very lovely.
I really enjoyed reading your last few posts.