Have vs. Say
Posted By Aaron Marcelli on August 19, 2009
I learned this principle, believe it or not, while watching a stand up routine from Chris Rock. Through his explicative-laced rant about race, religion, and politics, I picked up on a nugget of content that taught a deep truth. He said that you can either have or you can say.
Now I have to admit that I’m one of those people that look for deeper meanings or a message behind everything (I’m the only one who will leave the theatre crying after the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall because somehow his struggle to choose between two women taught me about mankind’s struggle in deciding our pursuits and how whole-heatedly we will chase them – and also his brittle job and the lack of passion to pursue his dream and launch a new career connected with my own life and was meant as a message just for me), but still I thought Rock’s message was pretty good. Grasping the have/say principle helped explain a lot of complex reasoning I had struggled with before.
The idea is pretty much that each person has a choice. They can choose to be a talker, who gets to speak, gossip, blog, and call into their local newspaper forum about their opinions and criticisms of others. They could choose to be a haver (I know it’s not a word), who is doing things in life, gaining possessions and recognition, and holds some form of office or authority in any number of fields. The catch is that I think it’s only possible to be one of these things at a time because only certain people can get away with being talkers. For example, it’s ok for the poor to talk about the rich, to make fun, criticize, and question how they go about both earning and spending their money. Rich people could never get away with saying such things about the poor, name calling or stereotyping them. The same with fat and thin. It is perfectly tolerated for a group of overweight folks to sit in a salon or around a table at McDonald’s and label thin models as shallow and possibly unhealthy in their habits of keeping thin. A thin, attractive media character however would get black balled for saying that everyone overweight is lazy and slow. We can either have or talk.
This made a lot of since when I thought about people in the public eye who I used to think should do things differently. Barack Obama and Joel Osteen are two people I quietly support and hope well for. Both are heavily criticized – oddly enough by mostly the same crowd. When hearing how much assuming, exaggeration, and even flat out lying was being done against figures such as these, I used to think they should get up there and run down the list of all the inaccurate information being circulated and just set everyone straight. I now realize that doing so would only bring them into a place of receiving higher scrutiny. These men and others who take flack for their positions, income, or popularity cannot defend themselves. They have given up that privilege. They have chosen to no longer debate and talk, rather, they have chosen to do.
Then I look at the critics, those that are doing the talking. They are always those way below the level of the ones they are criticizing. To defend themselves, those in the higher position would actually have to sink back down to the level of just being a talker.
Everybody gets a choice. You can say or you can have. The moment I stop to try and answer, correct, address, or even win over those who criticize me, I stop moving forward and will never attain more in my career.
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3 Responses to “Have vs. Say”
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Marcelli,
I enjoyed this post very much. I think there is a lot of truth to what you have to say here. Although I don’t ridicule them publicly, I am not the fan you are of the two men you mentioned towards the end of your blog, nor those like them. However, I have often admired their ability to handle criticism and the way they deal, or don’t, with such. There are times they seem to be as wrong as the night is black, but no matter how much flack they take, they don’t waiver. I think if you’re going to believe, going to have faith in anything, you ought to have that much of it. I think you ought to believe it that much. I think you should stand by it that much.
I greatly enjoy reading through your posts. You have a unique insight into things, and you usually make me think about things a whole different way. Its evident at times you aren’t satisfied with what has become the status quo amongst the Church and Christianity. And thought we would likely disagree on methodology, I would likely stand with you on many of those views. I pray your desire for change and charge stems from burden, not bitterness, from ardor not antipathy. Dr. Hall told me one time that as a minister, you need to study people almost as much as you study the Word. (keyword-almost). I think you are one of the few who actually do that, and I greatly admire that about you.
Well, I’ve got some word studies to do. Hope all is well. Take care bro.
amazing stuff thanx
I simply wanted to say your site is one of the nicely laid out, most inspirational I have come across in quite a while. Thx!