Arguments You Can’t Win – Part 4
Posted By Aaron Marcelli on October 12, 2010
“You’re better than me”
Ah…the good ol’ breakup line! I know it’s cliché but I was actually the receiver of this line from one ex-girlfriend. In that situation I believe she fully meant it and that it was true. However, rather than try to improve herself, her solution to the conviction she felt being around me was to stop being around me.
That put me in a difficult situation. What do I do?
Whether with words or actions, many people communicate to us that they think we’re better than them. People who actually verbalize this statement are usually discouraged, depressed, or caught in something they are ashamed of. To someone in that situation the natural human reaction is compassion and a desire to encourage the person. But when they utter than they see themselves as lowly, they have set up a hierarchy that cannot be in place if reasoning is going to occur.
This argument makes my list of un-winnable disputes because there is no appropriate answer to that. I mean, what are we going to do, list all the bad things about ourselves we can in order to basically tell the other person, “I’m just as bad as you.”?
Having this said to you almost makes you feel guilty for having high standards or self-control. We should never apologize for such good and healthy qualities. But those qualities are learned and come through discipline. Hopefully anyone who sees us as “better” will also think highly enough of us to listen so that we may speak encouragement and hope to them in their time of need. If we truly are that great of a person, we will not bask in being told we are better but rather want good things for the other person as well.
You can’t respond with fake humility if this argument is made about you, but you can realize that being a “good/better” person is not the point, and encourage the other person to come up higher themselves.
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