AaronMarcelli.org

Posted By Aaron Marcelli on June 6, 2009

It was around a camp fire in Dalton, Ohio on a mid-summer Friday night that after an incredible week of church camp I felt God calling me to ministry.  I don’t think I had ever experienced God speaking to me before and though it wasn’t audible, it was definite and I knew it was going to be a moment in my life I would never forget.

Despite my shyness and insecurities, I shared the story of my calling with others and enrolled in a Bible college shortly after being graduated from High School.  The Bible college was in Chattanooga, Tennessee (everyone always wants to know how a Yankee ended up in Georgia).  I enjoyed my time at that school immensely.  It was there I learned to think for myself and challenge my own beliefs – things that to this day cause conflict with my family because I evaluated the political and religious thoughts of my parents and changed on some issues.  Though I left the University with great friends and memories, it was before I even got my degree that I was hired at a large church in Dalton.  I served for two years on the staff of that church gaining experience and insight that have benefited me perhaps more than my classroom learning.

In the summer of 2007 the church began to go through a tough time.  Members started leaving, others withheld their offerings.  There was a power struggle among the lay leadership and staffs, some of the ministers were questioning their call, and at several times I was tempted to begin applying elsewhere.  A vacation was badly needed to get away and clear my mind but because I worked with the youth there were all the pressures of big events, summer bible studies, and youth camps.  I was as close to burnout as I have been and it led to me putting myself in a questionable situation in which I let a young lady from the church spend an afternoon at my house and some bad choices followed.  Weeks later the story, though a badly exaggerated version, began to circulate.  I was told the issue would try to be contained, addressed, and though it was stupid on my part, it was not going to cost me my job and ministry.  That changed just 24 hours later when two of the pastors came to my house after church on a Wednesday night and told me I was going to have to resign.

The entire incident occurred so fast it was not until after it had happened that I looked back and felt I had been dealt with unfairly.  I’m not saying I was blameless, but the staff told me how to word my resignation letter, and to be quiet about the situation until they could take it to the church the following Sunday.  It was made to look like I chose to leave which put me in an awkward situation when I was approached and received phone calls by many asking me to reconsider.  The story was also told to the church with such general and vague language that it left everyone to assume what they wanted and think that perhaps I had slept with a youth worker or been involved with someone under age – neither of which had happened.

For months I cycled the emotions of hurt, anger, loss, regret, guilt, and loneliness.  In the months that followed I was very hesitant to open up or get specific with anyone who inquired about my life.  Though most of them I’m sure were genuinely interested and concerned for me, I defiantly built a wall and bottled my emotions.  I used only the writing of my book Repentance and Recovery as an outlet of my thoughts and feelings rather than sharing with real people.  This led to my intentions for ministry questioned and others accusing me of being cold and distant.

It was August of 2007 that I was forced to resign.  A romantic relationship developed just months after that.  She was a great support and encouragement during a time in which I struggled with finding a job, not liking the job I found, questioning my vision for ministry, and dealing with the emotional struggles from being let go.  We had one of those relationships were there was just that indescribable magic and I already envisioned myself years down the road being able to tell this amazing story of how God worked everything out for good because loosing my first ministry position led to that relationship.  But my faith took another beating when just months before our wedding date she began to doubt our engagement and in a panic called off the entire relationship.  It’s tough to describe the ending of such a serious relationship that did not include a fight and neither of us had cheated on the other.

Now I stand as a result of those and several other incidents over the past couple years.  And for the first time in a while I can actually say that I stand.  Several solid friendships have taught me about life and community.  I have quit looking for the deliverance and gain what I can from the journey.  I no longer and waiting on God to just change my circumstances, but am longing to grow as I wait.  Maybe I have something to gain down here before He raises me to what I could never accomplish without the preparation I am getting now.  Even being able to talk about all of this and have enough confidence in both God and myself to be open and blunt is a major step for me.  Some have questioned why I am blogging and why I have become a “self promoter” and others have shown me they really care.  It is because of the second group I share this story.

Category: Emotion Issues, My Life / Personal
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